down-down

its all supposed to be
verry verry jolly
the new year is at hand
great
but deep inside my heart
the fear pools coldly
if only i could stop
stop
If only I could
if only I
If only
If

meaning comes and goes
there’s never enough of it
its like lunch
you seem to need it once day
I mean how much can one person eat?
what do we do over and over again
that we should need so much refilling
?

I feel so empty
I can’t even think pretty
I feel so
THUD
every morning when I wake up
when will it end?
I have so much
to thank God for
and yet again
I slide
down-down

I think it has to do
with starting all over again
every time I take time off
i remember how much effort
it takes to just go on
i suppose when i get going again
it will be better
but there’s no guarantee
oh well
what choice do I have
but only to believe
it will someday get better.

but moving swiftly along
before you call a shrink
God, preserve me from myself
there’s somebody out to get me
hold me before he succeeds.
i won’t do his job for him
but only barely.
does just dying count?

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