I realise that when I make suggestive statements about leaders that obviously I implicate people that have been part of my journey even if I don’t mention their names. The writer of the proverbs says that God hates arrogance and back-biting. I am in danger of doing exactly what I say others have been guilty of: incarnating my brokenness in what I do in the church, and I repent of that…I want to turn away from it. I have been hurt and so I bleed over everybody. There is no excuse for that, in Biblical terms. It is right that I apportion guilt where it is deserved, so that I can forgive and move on, but to make vague statements is not cool, and is even sin!
I don’t know if I will ever have the moral courage to sort out my differences with others. Who knows they may prove to me that my hurt was subjective and take away the basis for my accusations! Of course that doesn’t take away the fact that my hurt, though subjective, is real and that is how these tings happen: we sustain hurt because of vulnerabilities from previous wounding and so it is compounded again and again. People act towards each other in good faith and still we get hurt. It is the way of th world. What the church is about is trying to grow to the place where we are healed up enough by Jesus’ love and spiritual transformation to not be quite so vulnerable and thin-skinned any more, to work out our stuff with one another and show a better model to the world, and to spread the model. And that is what I want to be part of: it is discipleship, and it is the path I choose. So I apologize to those nameless people for accusing them where they cannot defend themselves, and I resolve to continue to process my stuff and be discipled by Jesus until I die…
Maranatha! Come Lord Jesus!
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