its all supposed to be
verry verry jolly
the new year is at hand
great
but deep inside my heart
the fear pools coldly
if only i could stop
stop
If only I could
if only I
If only
If
meaning comes and goes
there’s never enough of it
its like lunch
you seem to need it once day
I mean how much can one person eat?
what do we do over [...]
down-down
oh my goodness
I hate it when this happens
Just when I thought I had the answer
the question strikes back
and morphs again to be
something different again
WHAT’S THE EFFING QUESTION?
So needy I seem to be
so much I hate that state
I beg for crumbs
from those to which
I least want to appear needy.
I can’t help it
This poem is going wrong
maybe its not [...]
my/your appleheart
My heart
Like and apple
Eaten by fear
Mouthful by mouthful
Consumed by terror
Fear relishes my life
The juice of me
And I shrink
The essence of me
Fuel to the fear
Oh God
Keep me safe
Hold me safe
Protect my heart
Safe from shrinking into
Nothingness
Disappeared I am
Out of focus
Trembling on the brink
Of the void
I need you so
Your love
My apple
Shining before me
Gleaming with good
Gleaming with God
I [...]
sunrise
The Presence of God
As I sit here, the beating of my heart,
the ebb and flow of my breathing, the movements of my mind
are all signs of God’s ongoing creation of me.
I pause for a moment, and become aware
of this presence of God within me.
WELCOME Lord
I open the sluices a little.
I see the rosy touch [...]
seeking the safe place
the joy is fragile
it trembles tenderly
a new-born notion
that everything is not
dangerously transient
that
in every magic moment
a let-down lurks
so my heart still welcomes
those well-aimed darts
that seek out the unhealed heart
those little particles of pain
where my old self still hungers —
I take my heart in hand
And still my taunting thoughts
Their history a vivid memory
Of almost-fatal [...]
meditation 12-7-05
The Presence of God
As I sit here at my computer, God is here.
Around me, in my sensations, in my thoughts and deep within me.
I pause for a moment, and become aware
of God’s life-giving presence.
welcome jesus
it is still fresh in my memory the last time i was with you like this. i was so surprised to [...]
anxiety
the future always looms
possibilities
problems in disguise
problems
possibilities in disguise
the cure?
live one day at a time
ever present
pray for today
he is God of
the now
the was
and the will be
we are people floating ever
on the edge of eternity
the wave
where only
our next move
can make a difference
maktub…
it is writtenso relax and let him be God
i sure as hell aren’t
meditation 11 July 2005
From Sacred Space Daily Devotional
The Presence of God
To be present is to arrive as one is and open up to the other. At this instant, as I arrive here, God is present waiting for me. God always arrives before me, desiring to connect with me even more than [...]
thoughts on denial
I have often thought of why it is so easy to cry about a beautiful sunset of some classical music, or to allow my heart to be melted by some poignant moment on TV in a series, when my heart is so numb to my real deep pain and anguish. Now that I am trying [...]
thoughts of relating to God
Everything takes work. If you love somebody you have to cultivate them. It’s the law of the universe. Entropy. Anything left to its own devices will degenerate. Put that together with an innate human propensity towards laziness and you have a potential disaster. And I am not talking about my marriage, in spite of the [...]
