That same old hat again…

Sumi, I think you are right about the Spirit of God. God is in the Church and church is where people meet and commune to achieve God’s purposes. If a group of friends are together and they just happen to be having a braai, and somebody needs ministry, and somebody sees it and does it and God’s purposes are achieved, that is church, I think. When we start separating our lives into chunks where some of it is where God reigns and moves freely and other bits are not, then there is a problem. I don’t profess to have the answer but at least I want to be the same person all the way, and not one in church and one out of church. If I am not worshiping God outside of “church” then I should not be worshiping him in church (in the team). Or should I? Worship is worship wherever it happens and even though I don;t sit down and play at my keyboard at home to worship, I find myself praising him in all sorts of circumstances.

But I will not deny that part of my problem with church is “people”. I am still hurting from the church plant fiasco and I don’t trust people to minister to me because it is unsafe. I am not interested in sermons because I have preached them and they have been used against me and I have been accused f spiritual manipulation because I “abused my pulpit” to direct criticism at people, simply because I was one of the people being gossiped about and I preached about gossip. Anyway. At least I am not faking it which I think many people do. And that’s fine for them but I want no part of it… Make sense?

Church is old hat, I’d say…?

HI there all. Well I have decided to take the lunge and stop going to Sunday church services as a rule. I find them boring and unhelpful. I don’t want people I don’t know to pray for me during ministry time. I don’t want to lead worship for a group of people who don’t worship. I don’t want to listen to another sermon. I don’t want to exchange pleasantries over tea with people I don’t know. I have decided to pursue a more real church with smaller groups of people I trust and with whom I have relationship. I have nothing to offer the larger gathering at the moment and I don’t feel I am in the place to be a consumer. When I am more healed I will possible re-enter. God is showing me which piece of the puzzle I am. I am still accountable to Andrew Christie, my pastor, to close Christian friends and my wife. So I do not intend to spin off but please pray that I don’t. I want to see the kingdom come but the church seems to be too calcified and concerned with propping up the structures to be able to help God do that. So I want to see where God’s power and Spirit are working at the moment. I suspect it isn’t in the traditional church and I include the Vineyard in that. Church is people and I am going to be pursuing people for church. More later? Comments?

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EEG and all that

So Jethro went to his neurologist and the test was done. We had to give him a double dose of Coral Hydrate (?) to get him to be even dopy. He fought sleep but eventually we got the EEG done. The reading came back “normal” so we have to just watch him and try and not put our lives on hold waiting for another fit. So its back to baby monitors in his room and we try and sleep normally. He has an appointment at the CAAC (Centre for Augmentative and Alternative Communication) set up on the 8th of May in Pretoria. There we hope to work out some way for him to communicate with us. Thanks to our friend Jaco for starting the process that may lead to him being able to tell us the basics. We will keep this blog updated to keep all informed! Employ your RSS feed readers to check for updates!
love
dunx

 

A Blast from the past

It is nice when people who you have not seen or hard from contact you after a long time. I am always somehow in the position that I keep track of people or would like to keep track of them but somehow they don’t seem to have the same need. Then I perceive their attitude as rejection.I am trying to get over that now. I have just yesterday heard from friends who have been in the USA for sometime now and whom I have struggled to hear from! It makes me happy. Friends are too few and far between to let go so easily. It is a risk because they may/may not respond, but it is worth it because it is so easy to stay in touch! Nice to hear from you Sumi and I hope your husband responds now that he has my details! You can see Sumi’s blog here

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A LITTLE FREER TO BE ME?

Of course now that I am finding out who I am I realise that there were times when I knew more than I know now. Isn’t it sad that we should sacrifice parts of ourselves in order to try and become what other people should expect of us? One of the things that I instinctively knew before and that I sacrificed in order to be “responsible”, was my need to do more than one thing to be “fulfilled”.

I was made in a particular way… I need to do many things that use different gifts. I paint, and sculpt and write and perform and worship and and and… The most recent thing that I may try and restore to my armoury is performance. I am thinking of auditioning for a show again. Due to circumstances I may gt the opportunity. I feel a bit scared of it since, the last time I performed, I was a young guy who played the juve leads on stage. You can see my CV here. You will notice that I have done quite a bit, but now, where would I fit in? I am now older and less likely to be playing leads. Or who knows? Perhaps I am selling myself short. Only time will tell. But the bottom line is that I will have to get my voice in shape again. I have not sung in that kind of arena since 1993. But as one of my students says: “I need a little bit of feeding for my soul”. And one of the things I realize is that this is the way I was made and the Lord REVELS in it and wants me to as well. So I will! WATCH THIS SPACE!

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Who is Jethro?

I mention Jethro here for the first time. He is my 9-year old son. He is disabled and has a completely unique chromosomal disorder. He is an angel. He doesn’t walk or talk but when he looks into your eyes you feel touched I will say more bout him soon

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I have moved!

HI there everybody. I have moved this blog to www.dunxnud.wordpress.com
This is because I can write my blog directly from Firefox. Cool hey? So reset your rss feed readers to that address!
Blessings
Duncan

Jethro has a fit

29 April 2007

Jethro has his first fit ever. Quite a
shock. Fortunately Jenny was with him because he was restless earlier. He gave
a yell and started shaking. She called me to press the panic button. I did it
and then phoned 082911. ADT security arrived and asked
if they should get 911. Shortly after the ambulance arrived. They put him on O2
and then brought me and Jethro to casualty at Garden City Clinic. Here they
sent J for a CT scan. He has been vomiting so he was drowsy. Now the scan
results reveal thet he has no Brain Injury. He fell at school on Thursday so we
thought it might be that. This means we take him to his neurologist to see if
there is any abnormal brain activity. The worry is that this is the onset of
seizures of one sort or another. Please God it isn’t!

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same-old-same-old

Father,
Today everything seems a little paler, a little grayer. No amount of pulling myself up by my bootstraps will make seem right. I really just get tired of things just not going quite right. I am not dissatisfied, don’t get me wrong. I have been satisfied by you too many times to think that you aren’t FOR me. You are great, and I have no complaints against you. The problem is me. I feel discouraged, listless, and I just can’t afford to feel like that. I need to be positive, act decisively, create an aura of confidence in my clients. But the truth is that I have little confidence. Only you can sell this Town House, father. I am sacrificing ALL my commission so that the first sale will go through, but even that is no guarantee. I just don’t have the strength. What is it Lord? Why do I feel so low? If I felt well and positive, then I wouldn’t be daunted by this setback. So where do I get this internal completeness form that I lack?

I need it from you, Lord. I need you to make me feel like I can do anything. I know your word says that I can do all things through Christ Jesus that gives me strength. (Phil 4.13) But will the strength come as I do it, or will I feel stronger after I have done it and it has worked?

M. Scott Peck says that life is hard. So does John Eldredge. John goes further to say that “The glory of God is man fully alive”. God, let your Kingdom come then and let your glory come. Let me be fully alive. Right now I feel fully zombie.

The Unthinkable has Happened!

Yesterday I flew to Durban to be with my dad who turned 80. This in itself was feat of quite some extraordinary magic as only the Lord can produce. Through a most amazing circumstance I have reestablished contact with an old lover from times gone by, and some healing occurred. During a councelling session with my shrink processing this led to some memories about my dad coming up. In processing these, I came to the unthinkable insight that my father may not always thoughtlessly have been out to hurt and belittle me. Perhaps some of what he did he did with the genuine desire to spend time with me and do good to me. (Sure he did some stupid things, but even those he only did because he was wired that way: I know how often I have hurt my own kids in the same way!)

So the upshot of it was that yesterday I spent the day with him alone. We talked and drank some wine and had a meal and so on, and besides the fact that I think much healing occurred in me which I will only see realised in the years to come, I know he enjoyed it and it valued him in ways I never imagined.

Only a week ago this would have seemed impossible. Through a confluence of circumstance to strange to describe, the Lord has reconnected me with an ex (who remains such!) and through the contributions of my brother and sister, we had a great day with minimal inconvenience on a practical level.

I think that now we will be relating as adults more than as blamed adult and hurt child. Who knows where the future will lead?!